


Somewhere Far Away

by Nowl



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Anal Sex, Infidelity, M/M, Non-Explicit Rape, attempted suicide, domestic abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-05
Updated: 2014-06-05
Packaged: 2018-02-03 13:53:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1747025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nowl/pseuds/Nowl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi likes driving late at night.<br/>It's quiet. It's safe. Best of all it get's him away from Erwin for a while.<br/>But he's tired and he's starving and has half a mind to crash his car over the railing and into the river.</p><p>Though, getting something from the diner over there might be good first...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> This thing.  
> I can't do anything else to it.  
> I hope you enjoy, if you're reading it.
> 
> Update: THIS IS NOT AN ERURI ENDGAME FIC.  
> I refuse to remove the tag because their relationship it still important enough it has to be accounted for.

It’s close to three in the morning when Levi walks into the diner. He’s tired and feels dirty despite having showered a couple hours ago. He’s hungry and wants to go home but he knows he doesn’t really have a place that _feels_ like home anymore.

He sits himself up on one of the stools at the counter and looks through a menu absently before remembering he’s not even sure if he has money. He takes out his wallet and counts, sighing. Only four dollars and sixty-seven cents. He doesn’t know if he has enough for anything.

A brunette young man, the only server on staff tonight (this morning?), is looking at something in register. Levi is slightly transfixed by him, he’s tall with slightly moppy dark brown hair and naturally dark, tan skin. Levi can see the barest hint of freckles spotting his cheeks and slight muscles pushing into the stretch cotton of his shirt. He’s adorable, though not Levi’s usual type. He walks over with a pencil and a notepad. “What can I get you?” he asks.

Levi stares for a moment, the boy’s eyes are two different colors, one green and the other gold, and he didn’t realize how much he likes that until just now. He puts his money on the counter. “What can I get for this much?”

The young man looks a little taken aback. “Well, that depends what you’re in the mood for.”

“Anything,” Levi replies. “I haven’t eaten since this morning.”

The young man counts the money. “I’ll see what I can do,” he says before smiling and walking away.

Levi rests his face in his hands and thinks about the long day he had. Thinks about the pistol hidden in the back of one of the cabinets in his bathroom. Thinks about Erwin probably fucking Mike right now in what’s supposed to be _their_ bed.

He thinks about drowning himself in the river after he leaves here.

When did he become this miserable?

The waiter comes back and Levi glances at the nametag beside a long necklace with a key shaped pendant on it on his plain black t-shirt; Eren. “Do you like pancakes and bacon?” he asks, “That’s what I ordered for you.”

“Can I afford that?” Levi asks.

“It’s on me,” Eren smiles. “Now what do you want to drink?”

Levi is taken aback. “Why would you do something like that?”

Eren shrugs, leaning on his elbows on the counter. “Because I’m bored and have the money that you clearly don’t. Now, your drink?”

“Um, apple juice?”

Eren nods and goes to get the juice. When he brings it back, he asks, “Anyway, what are you doing here at this hour? Most of the people we get this late are hungover or are night workers. You don’t really appear to be either.”

Levi thinks for a moment. This brat really has no business asking him personal questions like this, but he realizes a moment later that to anyone else, this question probably wouldn’t be personal. “I don’t feel like going home.”

Eren nods. “At least you don’t have insomnia like me.”

“You don’t look like an insomniac.”

Why is he talking to this guy? Erwin would freak if he found out Levi was talking to another man.

“That’s just what my best friend calls it. I just sleep a lot better during the day so I’m up most of the night with nothing to do. S’why I got a job here, actually.”

Levi finds himself chuckling at how animated this kid is while he’s talking. “So are you like a student or something? Or is this all you do?”

Eren looks at him like he’s surprised he asked. “I used to be a student,” he replies. “I dropped out when I failed math a second year in a row. Nowadays I work here and write in my free time.”

“You write?”

Eren nods. “Just dumb paperback novels and some poetry that isn’t very good.”

“You’re published?”

“I write for Harlequin most of the time but I published two sci-fi books earlier this year.”

“From romance to sci-fi?”

Eren chuckles. “I know it’s a little silly but it’s fun.”

Levi nods and Eren goes back in the kitchen to check his food. He comes back out with a large plate stacked with eight pancakes and a smaller plate with five slices of bacon. He sits them in front of Levi before sitting beside him. “You don’t mind if I keep you company right?” he asks. “I have a habit of getting chatty with customers when I’m lonely and ignoring if they actually want me to or not.”

“You’re fine,” Levi says, cutting up his pancakes.

He hasn’t has this much food in front of him in a while. Erwin says he’ll gain too much weight if he eats sweets like this.

He digs in and Eren touches him arm, smiling gently. “You shouldn’t eat so fast, you’ll give yourself a stomach ache.”

Levi slows down at that, swallowing the bite in his mouth. “Sorry,” he says. “I almost never get to eat pancakes.”

Eren makes a face at that. “If you don’t mind my asking, you _do_ have a place to stay don’t you?”

Levi keeps his eyes fixed on his plate. “Of course I do.”

Eren furrows his eyebrows at that. “Then why don’t you –“

Levi hates the mix of guilt and anger that twists in his stomach. “Please leave me alone.”

Eren sighs and gets up, going in the kitchen. Levi is surprised at the emptiness he feels when the other man walks away.

He thinks about the river again.

He savors what he believes to be his last meal. Levi nurses his pancakes and apple juice until it’s nearly five o’clock, when the morning waitresses start coming in.

He doesn’t know Eren has just clocked out when he gets up, finally ready to leave.

He doesn’t know Eren is watching as he walks outside.

He doesn’t know that Eren is following slowly when he walks right past his car and up to the short wall keeping the river from flooding the road.

Levi doesn’t see the look of panic on Eren’s face when he sees Levi jump.

He doesn’t hear the horn of the car that almost hits Eren when the tall brunette races across traffic to get to the wall himself.

Levi doesn’t know what Eren was thinking when he jumped into the freezing cold water of the Sina River, just to come to his rescue.


	2. The Middle

Levi wakes up on an unfamiliar couch, wrapping in unfamiliar blankets, in an unfamiliar room.

But it’s cozy.

There’s a space heater on the floor beside him, blowing directly on him. He can hear a TV on somewhere, it sounds like _Good Morning America_ is on. He smells food cooking in another room; soup maybe?

He sits up and looks around, on the table beside the couch is a framed picture of two people; that waiter from earlier and a girl with black hair with their arms around each other wearing graduations caps and gowns, the year etched on the frame is from three years ago.

Into the room walks said tall, dark young man with a towel draped over his head, breathing a sigh of relief. “Good, you’re awake,” Eren says, shaking his hair in the towel. “I wasn’t sure if I should’ve taken you to the hospital instead.”

Levi lets the blanket slip off his shoulder, but he chills immediately. “Why am I so cold?” he asks.

“Don’t you remember?” Eren asks, sitting on the other couch. “You jumped into a river in the middle of January, I’m a little bit surprised we’re both still alive, honestly.”

Levi stares at his bare feet. “Can you take me home now?”

“I’d rather you stay and warm up first,” he replies. “Besides it’s started snowing already and there’s supposed to be a blizzard today.”

Levi sighs, thinking absently that he doesn’t give a shit how much he’s probably making Erwin worry. He feels absently for his phone but where he expected to feel denim, he feels flannel. He’s wearing unfamiliar clothes. He furrows his eyebrows. “Did you change me?”

Eren nods. “Your clothes are in the dryer with mine still.”

“Did you happen to notice my cellphone or keys in the pockets of my pants?”

“Keys, yes, they’re in the bowl by the door. I couldn’t find your phone though. It’s probably at the bottom of the river by now but even if it wasn’t that quick dip destroyed mine so yours probably wouldn’t have fared much better.”

Levi shrugs. “Oh well,” he says.

“Do you wanna call anyone to let them know where you are? My friend lives across the hall so I could ask him to let you use his phone.”

“No,” Levi says. “Maybe if I make that asshole worry a bit he’ll treat me nicer.”

Eren sits on the couch across from the one where Levi’s sitting. “Who?” he asks.

“Just this guy I’ve been living with,” he lies absently (it’s not as though he wears an engagement ring, thank God), looking up to notice the TV is actually in the room with them, mounted up on the wall.

They watch until the commercials start playing and Eren gets up and walks to the kitchen. “I made soup,” he says. “Do you want some?”

Levi thinks that Erwin would so disapprove of this on top of the pancakes he had earlier so he looks at Eren and says, “I would love some, thank you.”

“I hope you like cheddar-broccoli,” he says, putting a bowl and a small plate on the table for Levi. The bowl, of course, holds the soup, but on the plate is a large hunk of French bread. Levi gives Eren a questioning look. “I’m sorry,” he says. “When I was changing your clothes earlier I happened to notice how skinny you are; my dad’s from a big Italian family so it almost skeeves me out a bit to think about people not eating enough.”

Levi breathes a laugh and takes the food happily. Eren leaves the room and comes back to drape a blanket over the other couch before getting his own soup.

Levi thinks for just a moment that this stranger’s apartment is more comfortable than his own home.

 

Erwin is not happy when Levi comes home a day late and slightly bloated from eating like a normal person for once. Levi tries to blow him off but that’s not their dynamic.

Levi is pushed against the wall in such a way he knows he’ll bruise. Erwin asks him questions, tries to make him feel guilty for not calling, asking why he didn’t answer his phone but never giving Levi space to actually reply.

Levi drops to the floor while Erwin leaves the house.

A few hours of Levi soothing himself in a blanket burrito later, Erwin comes home and pulls him from his blankets. He wants sex. He wants it now.

Levi spits in his face and tells him to find someone else since he tried to get violent with him earlier.

Erwin tells him he can break off the engagement anytime he wants. He tells Levi he’ll kick him out unless he agrees to sleep with him.

Levi checks out mentally once he’s flipped onto his knees.

In his daze, he dreams of a soft couch and a warm blanket with a backdrop of falling snow past thin curtains. A space heather blowing on him and a deep voice talking to him across a room that smells like home-cooked dinner and tastes like safety.

 

The second time Levi goes to the diner, it’s with a mission in mind.

Seduce the cute waiter.

Eren smiles when he walks in, glad to see his damsel in distress is still okay. “Good night,” he says, with a cheeky grin. “How are you?”

Levi shrugs in reply, sitting up at the counter. “Alright, I guess,” he says, though he can’t exactly tell Eren that he hasn’t really been alright at all.

“You look tired,” Eren says. “Did you come for coffee this time?”

Levi nods, noting again just how much he loves Eren’s different colored eyes. “Please.”

Levi doesn’t have money for food, so he just hopes Eren doesn’t here his stomach rumbling. Erwin didn’t like how Levi’s stomach was bloated from all the food he ate with Eren so he guilted Levi out of eating for a day and has only had salad in the house since.

When Eren brings over the coffee, he brings a slice of cherry pie with it. “It’s on me,” he says with a smile.

Levi can’t help but smile in return. “If I didn’t know any better, between this pie and all the food the other day, I’d say you’re trying to fatten me up Eren.”

Eren gives him a cheeky grin. “I like when my friends are more than skin and bones, thank you.”

Levi chuckles and takes a bite of the pie and sips his coffee. Eren watches quietly. “You take your coffee black, nice to know.”

“I usually put sugar in it but since I have pie that’s probably a bad idea.”

Eren shrugs and goes to hand a bill to the only other people in the diner, a pair of men in janitor uniforms. When they leave, Eren sits himself beside Levi. Levi side-eyes him in a way he hopes looks flirtatious. It’s been so long since he’s dated, he’s not sure he knows how anymore.

When Eren gives him a confused look, he sighs a takes another bite of pie before saying, “Okay, I’ll be straight with you here, do you wanna fuck me?”

Eren is so taken aback he almost falls off his stool, blushing like a teenager. “What?”

“Do you wanna fuck me?”

“This is all very sudden.”

“Yeah, well,” Levi mutters. “That roommate I told you about? He’s my disgustingly controlling fiancée who’s been cheating on me since before we got engaged so I decided if he’s going to take anything he wants, I’m going to take what I want. Do you wanna fuck me or not?”

“Your fiancée? Why don’t you just break off the engagement?”

Levi sips his coffee. “Is that a no, kid?”

Eren blushes again. “Not… necessarily, I just wanna know what’s going on.”

“He’s a jerk, that’s what. And if I break off the engagement he’ll kick me out and I won’t have anywhere to go.”

“Don’t you have family?”

Levi sighs. “I’m not giving you my whole life story, either we have sex or I’ll go home now and stay miserable.” He pauses, taking a bite of pie before adding quietly. “I want to have a little fun before he takes my life away from me completely, okay? Can you just do this one thing for me?”

 

It’s just at five-thirty in the morning when the two of them stumble into Eren’s apartment, already making out on their way inside. As soon as Levi has Eren pushed up against the door, closing it, he’s pulling his own shirt off and rubbing his hands on Eren’s stomach beneath his. Eren takes his shirt off as well before leading Levi to the bedroom and pushing him onto the plush, down comforter. They kiss more and Eren runs his hands all over Levi’s thighs. “Are you sure you wanna do this?” Eren asks.

“Why else would I be here?” Levi replies breathlessly, but he starts to lose his nerve once his jeans come off.

His hands start shaking and he knows Eren notices because he starts moving slower, kissing around Levi’s face. “You don’t wanna do this,” he says finally, pulling the comforter over the both of them.

“Yes I do,” Levi says, trying to move to straddle Eren, but Eren is faster and stronger and pins Levi to the bed a moment later. Levi growls at him. “Let me go.”

“Only if you stop,” Eren replies sternly.

Staring into the eyes, two different colors, gold and green, he stops fighting. “Fine,” he mutters.

Levi stares at the side of Eren’s face when the brunette lays on his back. Eren just stares up at the ceiling, looking like he’s thinking. He’s calm and doesn’t seem bothered at all by the shit Levi just pulled. He asks, “Do you own a jacket?”

“What?” Levi replies, utterly confused by the random question.

“I noticed the other day you weren’t wearing one and all you have now is a shitty looking windbreaker, no offense.”

“I don’t need a jacket,” Levi replies. He doesn’t want to say that it’s only because Erwin wouldn’t give him money for one – one reason to worry less about Levi wanting to leave him in the winter.

“Yeah you do,” Eren rebuts quietly. “Especially in a town like this and especially if you’re going out at night because it’s even colder.”

“I can’t buy a jacket.”

“I can buy one for you.”

Levi stares at him. “You’re fucking with me.”

Eren shrugs. “I’ve can afford it.”

“You work in a diner.”

“I do that to waste time, I’ve got plenty of money.”

Levi makes a face. “You’re like twenty-one, where do you get money from?”

Eren looks dreamily up at the ceiling. “My grandparents died, and then so did my parents. My grandmother was an actress so she had all kind of money hidden everywhere and my dad was amazing with stocks so he had millions hidden in all kinds of bank accounts and in places all over our old house. My brother and I only use their money for necessities. I use the money from my books for anything I want and usually save the money I make here.” He looks at Levi. “I wouldn’t mind using it to help you if I can, though.”

Levi stares at him, stricken by the absolute sincerity in his eyes. “Why?”

“At first it was because I thought you were cute, now it’s because I believe you need it.”

Levi can’t stop the few tears that streak his cheeks, he ducks his head, his shoulders shaking.

“Are you okay?” Eren asks, slightly panicked.

“What the hell are you?” Levi asks. “A damn saint?”

Eren watches him while he cries, unsure what to do. “You’re not used to people being nice, are you?”

 

When Levi comes home with a new jacket keeping him warm (a white, down bubble coat purchased from the women’s department at Macy’s), Erwin glares at him on his way to his bedroom. Levi doesn’t so much as acknowledge the blonde sitting and watching him from his own bedroom doorway.

Erwin doesn’t feel like arguing today.

He knows he has all the power over Levi anyway.

 

“Erwin’s the reason I never started hormone therapy you know.”

It’s only Levi’s second time at Eren’s apartment, two diner visits later, sipping at mimosas because Eren actually keeps normal amount of alcohol in his kitchen and Levi wants an excuse to drink it this early in the morning. Erwin has been a little bit more lax about letting him out of the house recently (which makes Levi nervous but he has decided to run with the little extra slack he just got on his leash), so Levi isn’t planning on going back until at least after lunch time. Erwin will never know he’s been drinking.

“Hormone therapy?” Eren asks. “Like you were –“

“Yeah,” Levi says. “I wanted to be a woman.”

Eren shrugs. “That would provide context for the woman’s coat. Not that I care either way.” Eren leans back in his seat on the couch and points to the graduation picture on the table beside where Levi is sitting. “See person in that picture there?” Levi looks at it. “That’s my brother before he started hormone therapy and got a double mastectomy. This picture over here is a year after.”

Eren points to a photo Levi hadn’t noticed before; there were three people in this one. Eren, a blonde boy, and the girl from the other photo but with a shaved head, no breasts, more acne, and an all-around more masculine appearance. If nothing else, he definitely looks happier is this picture than the other one. “Wow,” Levi says.

“It was pretty cool watching the changes too; his voice got deeper, and he started getting hairier. The only problems were that the change in hormones gave him awful acne for a while and he started getting migraines, but those are both mostly under control now.”

“Hm.” Levi wishes like nothing else he would’ve ignored Erwin and started the therapy.

Eren looks at Levi. “So you wanted to be a woman, huh?”

“For a while, yeah, I don’t really know what I want anymore.”

Eren frowns. “Why not?”

Levi sighs. “I could probably waste hours telling you about it.”

“I’ve got time.”

Levi looks at Eren. For just a moment, seeing the genuine interest in the younger man’s eyes, Levi wants to tell _someone_ everything. But that’s wrong. Being here is wrong. Those pancakes when they first met were wrong. Levi belongs in his bed back “home”. What is he even doing with this kid he barely knows?

He sighs. “I’m can’t tell you,” Levi says.

Eren sighs, looking at the ceiling. Their silence is broken up by the music playing from the ipod dock on the table in the corner.

“Are you glad I saved your life?”

“What?”

“Or was it just a waste of time?”

Levi doesn’t know the answer.

 

It was not a waste of time.

Levi locks his bedroom door for the first time that night. He takes off all his clothes and forces himself to stand in front of his full body mirror. He swallows the thick feeling in his throat as he chokes back tears. He hates that’s it’s taken him this long to _really_ look at what Erwin’s done to him.

He’s disgusted with himself.

Disgusted he let this happen.

He hates the yellowing bruises around his wrists from the last time Erwin got mad at him. He hates the way his ribs are pressing into his skin with nothing in between. He hates that he let Erwin convince him to cut his hair. He hates that he let Erwin tell him not to wear women’s clothes anymore.

So he looks himself directly in the eyes.

“I am independent.”

He speaks with broken confidence, he doesn’t believe his own words.

“I do not belong to anyone.”

Not yet at least.

When Erwin walks by and tries to get in Levi’s room, he assumes Levi’s getting high or something and leaves him alone.

 

A month after their first meeting, Levi is going to the diner every night Eren is working, glad to waste his time keeping the brunette company. He’s noticed that despite the easygoing façade Eren puts up, he actually looks really lonely when he thinks no one is looking.

Levi leans on his hand with his elbow on the counter, sipping absently at his sweet tea, his coat draped over the stool beside the one he’s sitting on. “Did I ever tell you why I’m stuck with Erwin?” Levi asks.

“You’ve barely told me what he’s like,” Eren replies as he wipes down the counter.

“I’ve barely told you what I’m like.”

Eren looks at him. “What do you mean?”

“I’m a convicted felon,” Levi replies.

“For what?”

“I almost best three men to death.”

Eren stares. “Why?”

“I used to be a good guy,” Levi says. “Erwin and I used to act normal towards each other. We met when I started teaching at the local elementary school, he’d just been picked to be the new principal. When he first started dating and I told him I wanted to be a woman I assumed it was because he thought I’d confuse the kids in my class or the parents wouldn’t react well; I found out later that he was just transphobic but at the time I wasn’t really thinking about that. He proposed by the end of our first year together.” Levi stares into his iced tea. “I used to be goddamn teacher,” he chuckles mirthlessly, shaking his head.

Eren watches him quietly. “You know,” Levi says. “I grew up around here kind of assuming it was safe. It’s my hometown, you know. Maybe that was why it shocked me so bad when those men…” he takes a deep breath. “You should know, Eren, that it’s taking a lot for me to tell you this.”

“I know,” Eren says gently. “It’s okay.”

Levi takes a deep breath. “I was taking a walk, going to the store after school before going home. All of a sudden I get pulled into this alley and there’s three guys there. I assumed right away that they only wanted to mug me but…” Levi can’t look up at Eren anymore. “They raped me, okay? And I beat the ever-living fuck out of all of them the first chance I got. With a random rusty pipe, if you’re curious what I used.”

“So why were you convicted, it was self-defense.”

“I went home instead of calling the police,” Levi said. “And I couldn’t prove any of them had touched me when they took me to court so I was stripped of my teaching license and went to jail for a while.”

Eren’s jaw drops. “What the fuck?”

Levi nods. “I got out on good behavior, you know, but Erwin didn’t want me to try and get it expunged from my record once everything was over. He said it wouldn’t work. So I can’t be a teacher anymore and no one else wants to hire me with assault convictions. It makes me look to aggressive.”

“Is that why you’re still with Erwin? You can’t get a job?”

Levi shrugs. “Mostly. When I finally came home, he was _so_ clingy for months. Whenever he was home he would almost never let me out of his sight and it was driving me crazy. I just wanted things to be normal again but he couldn’t let it go. So I snapped at him, after that was when things got bad.”

Eren sits beside Levi, watching him nervously and quietly.

“I had started spending a lot of time with my best friend Zoe when she was done work every day. He didn’t like that, he gave me a curfew and told me he wouldn’t give me my keys until I told him where I was going and who I’d be with. He told me I was going to get fat from all my time at home so he started restricting how much I was eating. After that, there was one time I tried to leave but I forgot to bring has money so I was barely out of town before I had to call for help.”

“Oh Levi,” Eren says.

Levi shakes his head. “I think it’s funny sometimes, as much as I wanted to be a woman, it’s kind of a saving grace I’m not.”

“Why?”

Levi looks at Eren. “You know what possessive guys like that do right? He would’ve gotten me pregnant just to keep me tied down to him if he could.”

Eren looks at the floor, but then he remembers something. “You said he was cheating on you. Why would he do that if –“

“The psychological trauma from the rape made me repulsed by seeing him naked for months,” Levi says. “He started bringing people, men and women in the house to get off ‘cause he couldn’t with me. And the thing was, I wouldn’t have cared, but he made a point of _trying_ to make me feel guilty about it. It worked, eventually, and it still feels gross with him.”

“What kinda asshole?”

Levi shrugs. “But anyway that’s why I’m still with him.”

“That’s fucking…” Eren can’t get his thoughts together through his anger. “It’s abuse. Haven’t you tried to call a hotline? Call anyone?”

“He turned my friends against me, told them he’d get them fired from the school if any of them talked to me. Zoe tried, for a while, but I told her to stop because she was breaking her back keeping secrets and it was tearing me apart. And you can’t call those hotlines if you’re a man.”

“Why not?”

“Those programs are all for women, they assume any man who calls is pranking them or faking it somehow.”

Eren sighs noisily and stands. He gives Levi a slice of chocolate cake before going into the bathroom to try and calm down.

 

Somehow, talking to Eren gave Levi a little boost of confidence. He leans his hands of either side of himself in front of his mirror.

“I am independent.”

He’s surprised he’s actually starting to believe himself.

“I do not belong to any –“

He hears his doorknob jiggling. “Levi?” Erwin calls. “Let me in.”

Levi rushes to pull his clothes back on before unlocking the door. “Yes?” he asks. Erwin leans down to kiss him but he leans back. “What do you want, Erwin?”

Erwin is only slightly fazed by Levi’s sudden attitude. “I want you to sleep with me tonight, Erwin says.

“Not interested,” Levi says and tries to close the door.

Erwin holds it open. “Why not?”

“I don’t feel like it.”

“You _never_ feel like it, Levi, goddamnit.”

Levi surprises himself when he snaps, “And don’t you suppose they’re probably a good reason for that?”

“Like what?” Erwin asks,

Levi doesn’t like the cold, angry look in Erwin’s eyes, but he says, “Ever since… the incident, you keep pushing me for it and I’m scared. It reminds me too much of them.”

Erwin eyes soften just slightly. “Why didn’t you say something before?”

 _Because you never would’ve listened before_ , Levi thinks.

Levi feels like he’s won some small battle when Erwin picks up his keys and leaves.

 

He stares at the wrapped gift Eren just put on the counter in front of him. “What is this?” he asks.

“It’s Valentine’s Day,” Eren replies. “I figured I’d buy you a present.”

He’s right. Levi looks up at him with a quirked eyebrow. “You didn’t have to do this.”

“I know you have a fiancée or whatever, but you tried to seduce me and we make out a lot when you come to my apartment so I like to think our relationship has enough grasp that I can spoil you a little bit.”

“Spoil me?”

“I know you’re older, but I think I can still be your sugar daddy.”

Levi smirks. “Oh so you’re my daddy now?”

“Just open your damn present so I can feed you.”

Levi gives him a questioning look.

“When do you come here and I don’t pay for you to eat something?”

Levi thinks. “Never, I think.”

“Exactly.”

Levi picks up the box and tears off the paper. A Macy’s box. He quirks an eyebrow. Eren is wearing a smug grin. I caught you staring at it when we went shopping for your coat. Levi thinks for a moment before his eyes go wide and he moves to tear the top off the box. “No way,” he mutters when he sees it, his jaw slack and open. “ _No_ way!”

The dress is a dark raspberry pink. The top is sequined and runs down into a full, chiffon, floor length skirt at the hips. He holds his up, dropping the box on the floor and almost cries. “You like it?” Eren asks.

“I –“ Levi’s voice hitches and tears fall. “Why would you do this?”

Eren shrugs. “Because I think you deserve it,” he says. “And as I said before, I’d like to spoil you.”

Levi doesn’t put the dress down when he runs around the counter to hug Eren.

 

For fear of Erwin finding it, Levi stores his new dress at Eren’s place.

After that, he starts walking around with a giddy smile and an abnormally confident set to his shoulders. Of course Erwin notices immediately, but he doesn’t know what to say about it. He’s mostly just glad Levi isn’t glaring when he looks at him anymore.

What does piss him off though, is how Levi suddenly started avoiding Erwin’s kisses. Usually he only argues against sex, never kissing.

He grates his teeth and starts trying to figure out where his cute little fiancée’s been spending all his time.

When Levi comes home humming a tune and almost skipping from the bounce in his step, Erwin watches him. “Levi,” he says. “Where _did_ you get that jacket?”

Levi looks back at him, almost like a deer in headlights. It’s been over a month so Erwin reasons that even if the dark haired man were going to lie, he ought to have come up with one by now. But by the look on Levi face, it’s clear the short man was hoping Erwin just wouldn’t ask or held have the courage to tell the truth when he did. Erwin sighs a takes out his phone as if held heard the vibration and puts it to his ear. “Hello?” he asks.

Levi takes off for his bedroom.

Erwin puts his phone back in his pocket. He’ll get to the bottom of this eventually.

 

Eren is glad when he notices Levi getting more comfortable around him. Levi seems more content than he wants to let, he’s mostly just happy to have someone fawning over him the way Eren does.

Neither of them are calling it dating because they’ve never gone on a real date. And Eren’s a little afraid to ask anyway in light of Levi’s fiancée being as overbearing as he is.

That hasn’t stopped them from doing other couple-y things though; touching each other at any possible moment, making out for hours at a time, talking about nonsense things, cooking for each other, and enjoying each other’s company.

The only real thing left is that they haven’t slept together.

 

“I am independent.”

Levi repeats his mantra while striking poses in the mirror, giggling.

It’s officially spring now so his jacket’s away for the summer and the warm weather is making him even giddier. Looking in the mirror, he can definitely see all the eating Eren’s been making him do. His ribs don’t stick out so prominently and he even thinks he might be less pale.

He’s actually almost happy with himself for the first time in forever.

“I do not belong to anyone.”

Erwin is watching from the crack beneath the door.

 

Levi is resting his head on Eren’s lap on Eren’s couch and Eren is petting him, not unlike a kitten.

Levi stares up at his young lover; so much love in his eyes (Levi thinks for a moment that Erwin has damaged him too much to be worthy of all that love) and so much warmth in his smile (he forces the thought as far away as he can). He thinks in the next moment, what if Eren turns out like Erwin did. What if Eren won’t let him keep his freedom? In the next moment after that, he thinks about how he shouldn’t be here at all. He’s engaged for Christ’s sake.

“Levi?”

All the thoughts melt away for a moment. “Hm?” he replies.

“You wanna go on a real date tonight?”

“Where?” he asks.

Eren shrugs. “Someplace nice,” he says, picking up Levi’s hand to kiss his palm. “I want you to wear your nice dress out instead of sitting around here.”

Levi leans up and moves so he’s sitting in Eren’s lap, straddling him. “What’re you gonna feed me on this date?”

“Hmm,” Eren hums. “I might have you try Ratatouille. The authentic stuff, not the shit I made that one time.”

“I thought that was good,” Levi says. “Especially since you were hand-feeding me.”

“It’s nothing like the real thing, trust me.”

Levi leans down and kisses Eren. Eren rest both of his hands on Levi’s hips. When the short man pulls back, Eren looks up at him with the most genuine, loving eyes. “You’re so beautiful,” he says.

Levi knows Eren would never even _try_ to own him the way Erwin does. He’s absolutely positive of it in that moment.

“Eren?”

“Hm?” the younger man hums against his throat.

“Make love to me.”

Eren looks at him. “Are you sure? Cause the last time you wanted to you–“

Levi cuts him off with a kiss before getting up and leading Eren to bed. He drops himself on the bed and pulls Eren on top, kissing him gently. He can still smell Eren’s shampoo from the shower he took after work and he’s stricken again how that particular smell (kind of like lemons but mixed with something softer) makes his stomach twist so warmly.

Eren’s hands are shaking slightly as they skim over Levi’s ribcage and it makes Levi feel a little better about how nervous he feels too. He’s done this before, of course, many times and with multiple different people, but this, being here with Eren, is exciting all over again; his thighs are shaking a bit on either side of Eren’s hips and he can already feel himself straining against his underwear.

Eren grinds their hips together and Levi whines high in the back of his throat.

To Levi it only feels like a flurry of soft touches and kisses before both he and Eren are naked and breathing heavily, clinging to one another. “You really wanna go all the way?” Eren asks, rubbing his hand up and down Levi’s trembling thigh.

“Yes,” Levi nods.

Eren leans up to his nightstand to get lube and a condom. He leaves the condom on the bed while he moves Levi’s legs onto his shoulders and lubes his fingers. Levi cries out as Eren slides the first in, he forgot how long it’s been since he last did this. “You okay?” Eren asks.

Levi nods sharply, panting. “Keep going~”

Eren worms his index finger around for a bit until he feels Levi relax a little more and he adds a second. Despite already being bent in half, Levi latches onto Eren’s neck and pulls him down for a rough kiss while he adjusts the fingers inside of him. “How are you this flexible?” Eren asks.

Levi rolls his eyes. “Just finish getting me ready kid.”

“Don’t you mean daddy?”

Levi almost laughs at Eren’s cocky grin, he can’t fight his own smile though. “Just because you’re my sugar daddy doesn’t mean I have to call you daddy.”

Eren shrugs. “It’d be nice from time to time.”

“I’ll set that as your name in my phone, how’s that?”

“Perfect,” Eren purrs, pressing a third finger inside.

Levi arches his back as Eren’s fingers brush his prostate. “Fuck~” he breathes.

“Feel good?” Eren asks.

Levi nods breathlessly as Eren keeps brushing that sport before pulling his fingers out. He slides on the condom and lubes it before pulling Levi’s legs around his waist. “Ready?” he asks.

“I’ve been ready, you – ah!” he cries out as Eren pushes inside him, pressing his hips firmly into the mattress.

Levi, head spinning from all the sensations, is reminded for the first time in a long time what it feels like to have sex with someone you really, _really_ care about. With someone who’s patient and isn’t just trying to get themselves off. Someone who really, _really_ cares about him too.

He whines softly as Eren starts a slow pace, careful not to hurt Levi even as his own hips are shaking from holding back. “Eren,” Levi whines.

Eren stop abruptly, almost pulling out. “What? Do you need me to stop?”

Levi eyes snap wide. “Don’t stop!”

Eren sinks back inside Levi slowly. “What then?”

Levi holds both sides of Eren’s face, making sure the younger man is looking him in the eyes when he says, “I love you.”

Eren stares back for a moment before he grins, kissing Levi. “I love you too.”

Levi leaves he arms draped around Eren’s neck as the younger man thrusts deeper. “Ah~ ah!” Levi moans.

Eren’s hand clumsily grasps Levi’s erection, pumping as in time with his movements as he can manage.

Levi comes first, with a sudden shriek and bucking hips. Eren isn’t far behind, having pushed himself to wait until Levi came first.

Levi still clings to Eren, even as the two of them are a single puddle of sweat and musk. He presses kisses anywhere he can reach, mostly on Eren’s neck and shoulder. “I love you,” he says. “I love you, I love you.”

Eren takes the condom off, but they fall asleep in pretty much the exact same position.

 

Levi wakes up before Eren does, in the late afternoon. He puts his own underwear on, with one of Eren’s hoodies and a pair of navy blue and grey striped thigh high socks (he’s grown quite fond of thigh highs in the past couple months, but only at Eren’s house).

He starts boiling water in the teapot Eren bought especially for Levi. When Levi looks at his phone sitting on the table beside the couch, he remembers what he told Eren earlier. He flips though until he gets to Eren’s name and changes the contact from “The Kid” to “Daddy”.

Eren is awake when he walks back in so he gets back in bed and cuddles up to Eren. “Did I ever tell you where this necklace came from?” Eren asks quietly.

“You didn’t,” Levi replies.

Eren looks at the ceiling, Levi doesn’t like the distance in his eyes. “My dad abused my mom,” he says. “This necklace was hers, I got it when they pulled her body out of the wreckage of my dad’s car.”

Levi watches Eren quietly.

“Everyone kept telling Mikasa and me it was an accident. It was raining that night so they kept telling us dad just lost control of the car but I know…” Levi wipes away the tears that start falling from Eren’s eyes. “He did it on purpose. He killed both of them because she wanted to leave him.”

Eren looks at Levi. “I’m so afraid of what will happen to you.”

 

Levi didn’t think anything of it when he couldn’t find his cell phone before he left to see Eren at the diner. Little did he know, it was Erwin who had taken his phone and had seen the log of all Levi’s calls to “Daddy”, whoever that was.

Erwin follows Levi when he leaves that night, intent on confronting whoever Levi has been meeting in secret for such a long time.

When Levi walked into the diner, Erwin was confused. Why would he be meeting them in a diner instead of some hotel room somewhere or something like Erwin had imagined?

Erwin stood and watched as Levi took a seat at the counter and glanced through the menu. When the waiter wad done with the only other two patrons in the diner, he walked over to Levi and smiled at him. They talked. Erwin was surprised to see the warm smile spread across Levi’s face while he talked to that boy.

Erwin could barely believe the looks of absolute love on Levi’s face when the boy took off his necklace and put it on Levi before kissing him.

He can’t make himself hate that boy.

No matter how hard he tries.

 

He waits for Levi to return, late the next afternoon.

“Erwin,” Levi says.

Erwin can see the chain of that boy’s necklace beneath Levi’s collar. “Levi,” he says quietly. “You really love him don’t you?”

Levi looks at his feet. “Erwin, I –“

“Leave.” He says. “You’re free.”

“Erwin –“

“Before I change my mind a hurt you anymore. Get far away from here.”

“I did love you once, Erwin.”

Erwin thinks of the look on Levi’s face with that boy. “I know.”

Levi looks at his feet. “Good bye.”


	3. The End

Eren doesn’t really know what to think when he finds Levi asleep beside the door to his apartment. “Levi?” he asks, worriedly shaking the other man’s shoulders.

Levi wakes up slowly. “I would’ve let myself in,” he says. “But I know you keep the door locked when you’re sleeping,” he says drowsily.

“What’s the matter?” Eren asks. “Why didn’t you call me instead of sitting out here?”

“Take me to see the ocean Eren,” Levi says, wrapping his arms around Eren’s neck.

“Huh?”

“I want to go to the beach.”

“Right now? It’s not summer yet, plus it’ll take almost an entire day’s drive to get there.”

Levi nuzzles his face in Eren’s neck. “I don’t care,” he says. “I just want you to take me somewhere far away that I’ve never been before.”

Eren looks down at Levi. “Let me get my keys.”

 

Levi is silent for most of the ride, playing with Eren’s necklace and watching the scenery pass them by.

Eren doesn’t ask what’s wrong and Levi doesn’t explain himself.

They stop at a hotel halfway there so stretch their legs, get some food, and sleep.

Levi takes the bed immediately, but he doesn’t try to sleep, he just lies. “What’s Erwin gonna say when you’re gone this long?”

“Nothing,” Levi replies. “He let me go.”

Eren stares. “He what?”

Levi nods. “He let me go. That’s why I didn’t call, he still has my phone and he kept my car.”

Eren sits on the bed beside Levi. “Hm.”

“And now I want to see the ocean,” he says. “I feel like I’ve forgotten it somehow.”

Eren lays back and stares at the ceiling. “The last time I was there was a long time ago.”

“Almost like it was in another life.”

Eren closes his eyes. “What are we gonna do?”

“Anything,” Levi replies. “Everything.”

Eren looks at Levi.

“I had the strangest dream while I was waiting for you,” he says. “But I can’t seem to remember it now.”

“I hate when that happens.”

 

Eren and Levi buy a few changes of clothes and some food before getting back on the road.

Levi dresses in a black maxi skirt with a white tank top and a pair of aviators. “I’m gonna grow my hair back out,” he decides, when he finally steps on the beach, barefoot.

He hikes up his skirt and goes to get his feet wet even though the water’s still freezing.

Eren sits on the beach and watches quietly. He feels like they should be celebrating but that also doesn’t feel right somehow. He doesn’t really know how he wants to feel about this. He’s unsettled. Everything feels bittersweet.

He stares off into the sky, darkening as sunset bleeds into twilight.

He remembers saving Levi’s life not-so-long ago. He remembers his mother. He wishes she could’ve gotten this ending.

“Eren?” Levi calls.

When he looks up, just for a moment, he thinks he sees wings on Levi’s back. “Yes?” he replies.

Levi holds out his hand for him. “Come on,” he says.

Eren smiles and runs down the beach.


End file.
